THE BALANCING ACT: The art of balancing a creative career and mental health
Getting that bread when getting out of bed is a struggle
Walking the line between self-sanity and creative ambition, an unstable tightrope beneath my feet, blindfolded and drunk, maybe wearing stilettos - sometimes it feels like I’m walking to my certain death.
I wasn’t always mentally ill. I was once a carefree child, with problems that only extended to the scratches on my knees and the drama within my friendship group. Then one day, like garden flowers blooming overnight, my problems (that had perhaps always bubbled under the surface) came to a startling head under my feet. The dreams I’d had as a child of being a writer and film-maker slowly sank to the bottom of a very dark and lonely ocean as I struggled to understand how I could pursue a demanding creative career when I couldn’t even leave the house to go to school.
Like many others going through their teenage years, I experienced both physical and mental growing pains. I started to take ownership of my mental illnesses and tackle my trauma, one uncomfortable therapy session after another. I eventually found myself in a place where I felt ready to start pushing myself to go after the creative career I’ve always wanted. I assumed doing what I loved as a career could only be a positive thing for my health, but life’s never that simple. I explored my creativity, started doing photo-shoots, fighting for gigs and opportunities, got connected with like-minded industry professionals and slowly built a humble foundation around me. This led to the point where I was able to support myself through freelance work, using all the creative skills I’d inadvertently been practicing for most of my life.
Starting a creative career felt phenomenal, but no one ever told me how hard it would be to look after my mental health while running around from job to job for 12 hours a day. Nor how being so ambitious sometimes means that you put unhealthy amounts of pressure on yourself to succeed, often leading to burnout. Nor was I told how working from home can be dangerous if you’re depressed and anxious. Nor how clients pushing you to the limit to get the job done can be damaging. I wanted to share some of the ways in which I’ve kept myself well in an industry that can be demanding, exhausting and hella frustrating.
If you work within the walls of the creative industry, you’ll know that there are pros and cons to working so closely with your art and your passion.
There’s a huge amount of pressure that sits on our chest whenever we create something so close to our heart.
When it pays off, the end result is one of euphoria and pride - but the process can be extremely stressful for anybody and can become a nightmare for those who struggle with their mental health.
The ‘Culture of Comparison’ is something we’re all impacted by, no matter the industry. Instagram can easily become an enemy once we start to mindlessly scroll through stories and posts, quickly becoming engulfed in other people’s idyllic stories and successful projects. Susy has just landed a photography job with Vice and Harry has just shot a music video for one of your favorite artists. Often you find your self-worth and confidence taking a knee-buckling-beating, fading far faster than they took to develop, leaving you wondering why you aren’t at the same level as your peers. I found myself asking; Am I good enough? Why can’t I support myself solely with my creative abilities like others do? We are all so quick to compare ourselves, work and lives, that we often forget that we are each on our own journeys, with our own timelines and pace. Social media can be toxic, and over-indulging in other’s success (often posted for their own validation) can lead to habitual low self-worth.
After experimenting with taking breaks from social media, and focusing on the work I was doing, I found my pervasive anxious fog lift, the negative habits retracting just as quickly as they took a hold of my consciousness.
I am proud of the work that I create without comparing it to other people’s success -
the dawning sun lighting the smile that sits on my face, and the faint background of birdsong soothes my ears as I once again appreciate my worth. But we must never become complacent - as soon as we start scrolling and comparing, having more free time to think and better mental health, anxiety finds a way to creep up on us, like a toxic ex sliding back into our DM’s. It’s so important to remember to catch ourselves in negative cycles of thought, challenge them, rewrite the self-belief programming, and remind ourselves daily that we are enough, our work is enough. Never forget that we are each walking our own paths at the pace which is right for you.
Maintaining client relationships can be a huge challenge for those struggling with their mental health. To put it lightly, people can be difficult and social situations can trigger a lot of anxiety in those who struggle with the day-to-day. Learning how to handle the pressure of selling yourself to potential clients and negotiating the fees you want can be terrifying.
I learned the hard way how important it is to manage expectations when building a relationship with a client.
Often in the early stages of my career, I found myself trapped in the middle of a job, realizing with shaky hands and a sweaty brow that what I could offer and what my client expected were completely different, then having to work twice as hard for an end goal that I wasn’t happy with. Putting your foot down from the start and setting out clear boundaries of what art and at what rate you’re comfortable creating is crucial, yet such a challenge if you struggle with confidence or understanding the worth of your work.
For me, I know that I won’t go below my hourly rate for anyone or anything - if a client isn’t within my budget and is asking me to go lower than I am comfortable with, then they are simply not the right client for me. Setting out budgets, expectations, timelines - even the little things like how many re-edits I am willing to do, to bigger things like the accreditation I expect, are all just a part of the creative process.
It was frightening for me at first, learning how to have faith in my work and my abilities and not budging for clients that thought I was worth less, I often had to fake my confidence in order to get others to believe in me, and somewhere along the line, I started to believe in my own lie, and realized, with my head held high, that I was indeed worth what I had been telling others this whole time.
If you can understand your own importance and value from the beginning, it’s going to make navigating difficult situations with difficult people a whole lot easier. If someone is hiring you for your service, you set the rules. You have the power to be able to tell them exactly what you can offer and what you’re comfortable doing. Sure, you’re going to get it wrong sometimes, and there will be jobs that make you feel like a failure, but it’s all part of the process. Failure is not your enemy, but your friend. As Napoleon Hill quoted, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” and for me, those are words that I live by every time I miss the mark, for I am not afraid of failure, I welcome it as a lesson on how to do better next time.
The final point I want to end on is how difficult it can be to balance mental health with work. Sometime’s we’re just not able to, and that realization in itself is a powerful one. If you’re pushing yourself to go after the creative career you want, but it’s doing more damage than it is good, then it’s okay to step back and stop. You’re not always going to be ready, sometimes we need more time to heal than we realise.
While producing work can be an ecstatic feeling, if we’re not in a mentally stable place to do so, why should we push ourselves?
Being ambitious and wanting to go out and grab life by the balls is an excellent trait to have, but balanced with mental health issues it can become tricky. I know personally I’ve often wanted to push myself to do more for my career, but have had to take a step back, taking on less work and focusing more on my own personal growth and healing. Sometimes it can feel like a loss, like I’m never going to make it while my mind is so messy and muddled, but I have to remind myself that my health is the most important thing in my life, and my career will always be there waiting for me. What good will it be being a successful creative professional if I’m not happy?
I have to take sick days and I’ve lost a lot of jobs due to my mental health, which again feeds into the feeling of failure that always sits patiently at the back of my mind, waiting for a chance to work itself into every thought i have, but I remind myself daily that I am doing the best I can. Mental health affects work, and work affects mental health, one feeds into the other in a dizzying display of power.
In the United Kingdom, 80 million days are lost every year due to mental illnesses, costing employers £1-2 billion each year,
so clearly it’s not just me. There is a societal pressure pushed on all of us to work full time jobs with a smile and an ease most of us are just not accustomed to, so I stopped feeling guilty when I had to say no to work a long time ago.
Whatever it is that you’re doing, whatever dream you’re trying to chase, just remember that it is your own journey, and no one can tell you how to navigate it correctly except yourself. Working while dealing with mental health will never be easy, so put things in place to protect yourself and set boundaries that you are comfortable with.
Most importantly, check in with yourself every day, and remind yourself that you are amazing, and that your career will fall into place when you are ready, and not a moment earlier.
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